Day 2: I Am My Father!

Each morning I look at my father in the mirror as I prepare for the day. He stares back at me as if his death didn't exist. He was on the lam after escaping from prison in North Florida when a bullet tore through his chest to end his story.

I guess that is not exactly accurate since we talk all the time, my father and me. He is not some specter fluttering about in search of justice. He is my father, a part of my core beliefs--a sun in my universe.

But he was also an asshole; who else gets sent to prison and dies in a shootout with the police. I often wonder, though, how much his military service had to do with his demise.

I've been to jail, too. Three times. But I like to think that even though I broke the law I was doing the right thing. I don't wear this fact as a badge of honor, but I'm not embarrassed by it either. It is just a truth I now live with, a part of me. I've been active for peace for over fifteen years. I'm nothing special, just a guy who must atone for his time in the military--a sad man seeking peace, or, at least, looking for harmony. My dad was nefarious, but I like to think that he too sought peace.
I've gained so many wrinkles. I'm old, like my father was. But if my muscles ache it's because I use them. I earned being old. I own it.

As those of you who follow me know I love to nap to work off the weariness of my sleepless nights. Each day after school I go home, eat lunch, and nap. And then I enter my second  life, that of a luthier and artist. I work in the shop until it is late. At one point Val put a curfew on my comings and goings in the shop. But not any more. She knows I need a break from the world that haunts me still. Just like our boys who once lived on the streets, I nap when I need to so that I can be awake in the time that I share with others.

"Tree! I am no tree! I am an Ent!" Only if. I'm a ruminator for sure, and stuff seems to happen around me really quickly. The classes I'm teaching next year are these: Computer Graphics, Studio Art, and Art and Mindfulness. Yep, I'm slowing the wrinkles down. Or, at least, I'm not watching them define me.

I love to be in the world, in nature. Tonight I watched the sun set as two bunnies danced through our back yard playing the tag of young mates. I watched until the lightening bugs began their upward dance. I watched until the world was covered in the darkness that blankets itself in safety, even if I am not always covered and serene.

So I moved inside, where I worked on the postcards I've become smitten with. This boot with roses is my latest.

Now I'm for the pillows and a sleepless night. I went to the dentist today, and he remarked on my cheeks and how they are bitten up. I said that I have nightmares and gnash the nastiness of my mind away. But maybe tonight will be one of the good ones, where I sleep until the sun shines again and I awake well rested. My daddy would want that.