Day 11: Deep and Sharp.

Today started with a ride to shop, which was really nice because it has been wet all day. Plus I'm just tired from yesterday. All of the exercise plus tossing and turning all night equals a sluggish Mark. And I couldn't eat enough today. It must have been really noticeable because Dwain started a conversation about the meal schedule. I admitted that I should have protein when we have our watermelon break. Since Dwain bought this great cheddar cheese filled with spicy peppers that was no problem. I just had a couple of chunks of that. 

I'm still really tired and cannot wait until bed time.

For breakfast Dwain cooked up some eggs and veggie sausage. We had that with a bagel and cream cheese. I don't care for too-sweet bagels, like blueberry and such, but when Dwain put jam on top of his I tried it. I liked it!

One of my favorite books
and I hate it.

We had some heavy and deep talk this morning. We talked about love and loss and military. Somehow we got on the idea of existence in the world. Dwain said he heard someone say something like we are all in this together alone--or some such. And I said we are definitely together and not really alone. I said that we are just separated. And then he dropped some wisdom on me.

Dwain told me about the time that his mother-in-law was on her deathbed, and he was holding her hand while the rest of the family comforted her. The Hospice person said that she was ready to die, but she could not while they were there. The Hospice person told them to go and eat. The left, and as they were ordering they got the call that she was dead. Some things you just have to face alone, Dwain said.

They Dwain told me about some of his doings while he served in the Navy and was stationed in Cuba in '59. He spoke of some dastardly deeds that helped him to understand that the military was not for him and that his service was for those individuals around him. He talked about processing his actions and how powerful sitting alone with oneself is. He also said it is the best cure for life's woes--it is just really hard to be with oneself knowing what one did in the world.

That definitely got me thinking about love and loss, but I'm processing even that differently than I did just a year ago. My PTSD symptoms have really diminished, and it is because I've been seeing a couple of counselors for a couple of years. The VA has mistreated me in the past, my sister got to experience this with me once. But for that last few years they have been good to me and for me. Of course not drinking or taking drugs certainly helps, too. Again, though, I give my people at the VA much credit for getting me to where I am today. I can sit with myself alone, and I even like me--sometimes.

But sometimes being with me is a real train wreck, too. Shorecrest gave into the culture of fear when it added armed security to its campus. I was against it, especially after its poor introduction. But after teachers started talking about the kind officers who were also veterans I had decided to introduce myself. One of them parked near where we parked, and I went over to introduce myself. We made eye contact and I smiled and he smiled and then he moved. I heard the creak of his equipment belt and smelled his pistol. My whole being shifted, and I walked away and left him standing there with his hand out. I didn't say a word. I was wrecked for the rest of the morning, and eventually went in to see my principal. He was so kind and sympathetic and said go home. I'm in tears by this point and cannot stop the panic. I walked to me room oblivious of everything and anyone around me and called Val to come get me. By the time she was driving up I was running off campus, literally, and I was way out of control. 

I've never had anything like this happen. We went straight to the VA where my primary doctor saw me and got me to a counselor to get me straight right then. Then she gave me the number to another clinic, where vets counsel other vets. Val and I went for a while and then we didn't go because I was dealing with stuff pretty well. My nightmares all but stopped.

I was told to read The Odyssey as a healing novel because it is the documentation of a veteran's PTSD. So I did, and I saw the story in a much different way than when I first read it. And it helped me understand me more clearly. So sometimes I can sit with myself, sometimes.

I bet you're asking if we did any work today. Well I'm getting there, sheesh. As I said in an earlier post the words between the work are some of the most meaningful stuff I'm getting here. Dwain has done much--I'll tell you about Dwain and Attica Prison sometime--and he gets me thinking as well as working. I think we're good for one another.

Today I started off book matching again. There are a few more pieces of redwood to do. I'm not sure if I'm doing any black walnut or not, but I'll be done with the redwood tomorrow, I think. So I took the ones I made yesterday out and set up the glue. I'd already joiner planed the wood for today, so I didn't have to do that. Once the glue got hot enough I got the pieces glued up and clamped in the jig.

Dwain looked at yesterdays work and gave it his seal of approval! I'm working really hard, and I think that is coming out in the work I'm doing. Plus I'm asking lots of questions, and he hasn't rolled his eyes yet. And he is already talking about the second session, the Advanced Session.

I get to make a dulcimer a session, so I'll have four by the end. I'd already planned on giving one to a person who supported me when nobody else did. But Dwain told me that I should keep my first four or five as examples and have others make orders from them. Makes sense to me. So I'm planning on visiting Lexington, KY, when I'm finished here in Rochester, to discuss building a dulcimer for someone special.

Then I got to sharpen the blades on two planes--except one was already done. I did notice that the blade was in good shape and asked Dwain to look at it. He agreed, so some of what he taught me yesterday stuck. The other one needed some love, and I did a nice job on it. 

If you look at the image on the right you can see the reflection of my iPod in the sharpness that I polished up. I didn't think I'd care for this part of the job, but I really like that I can see the progress I've made when sharpening a blade.

Then I got a lesson on making scrapers. I've been looking forward to this, and it was fun to learn to make my own tools. Dwain started by showing me how to interpret the scrapers' health to determine how they can best be modified. A scraper could be so damaged that it needs to be taken down to a flat surface with 90 degree angles and then fold the metal over to form a scraping edge.

So I had to start with a file and work through a series of files, from course to fine, and then use the sharpening stones to work the edge to a polished finish. So my 90 degree angles were right on and shiny! 

The other scrapers were in okay shape, so they just needed to be refreshed. I had to remove the burr and then add a new burr.

So here I am in week two of learning to build a dulcimer and I have not even begun to build a dulcimer. It amazingly wonderful that I get to learn the art of making dulcimers, which includes making my own tools to make my dulcimers. And this is at least as important as actually putting strings on a box. This is why this apprenticeship means so much to me. And I'm not even chomping at the bit to get at building. I'm having a lot of fun learning about the tools and the shop. This apprenticeship is going to help me in all of my art-making, from the simple wooden puzzles to the more complicated automaton.

We've already laid out the dates for the second session, and I'm excited to see the curriculum for that!